From the Selangor Times 30 December 2011. Ask Lord Bobo is a weekly column by LoyarBurok where all your profound, abstruse, erudite, hermetic, recondite, sagacious, and other thesaurus-described queries are answered!
Dear Lord Bobo, as 2012 is almost upon us, can you look into your magic crystal ball and share some predictions for the coming year? (Nostrildamus, via email)
Obviously you have not been following this column for very long. Lord Bobo does not use a magic crystal ball. Who do you think we are? Mona Fandey?
His Supreme Eminenceness does not rely on "magic" to make our predictions, and we certainly aren't going to give you the kind of predictions we know you're after (ie. winning 4D numbers and football results). But we will, in our munificence, offer you a glimpse into what could well happen in 2012.
Malaysia will have its General Election. It will be a historic General Election, as it will be a manifestation of years and years of rakyat education and civil society discourse.
For the first time, the mainstream media will be forced to tell both sides of the story (not 50-50, but at least it will not be an obvious bias). In line with what has been going on worldwide in 2011, the online media and communication channels will play an important, and perhaps crucial, role.
As a result, politicians will be forced to consider and debate issues – REAL issues, bread-and-butter and nasi lemak and sambal sotong kinda issues, not mud-slinging sex-scandal, he-said-she-said-we-all-fall-down type of issues.
Birds will fall from the sky.
Water will flow upstream.
Planets will loosen from their orbital shackles.
And for the first time in a long time, Malaysia will deservedly be called a participatory democracy.
We know, we know. We know that you think this is an overly-optimistic collection of pure guff. But hey, remember where you read it first.
After all, it was in this column in December 2010 that Lord Bobo revealed our prediction (well, it's not really a prediction if we already knew it as fact) that the Universities and University Colleges Act 1971 ("UUCA") would be abolished. You scoffed then, didn't you?
We know, you're thinking "But the UUCA isn't abolished yet!" Oh ye of little faith. Wait and declare the supreme universal all-knowingness of Lord Bobo.
2012 will indeed be a year of change in Malaysia. For the first time in a long time, Malaysians will live their lives outside of a "state of Emergency".
It's great that the government has finally realised that the Komunis aren't hiding in the jungles anymore, and that the end of the Konfrontasi was not one of those false endings where you have to stay in your seats and wait for the cinema lights to come on or risk missing the out-takes.
Hopefully this will continue, and the powers-that-be won't find some excuse (the Uniqlo stores keep multiplying!) to put us all in the emergency lane again.
We won't share much more with you. After all, the excitement and enjoyment of life would be taken away if we let you know what exactly would happen in 2012. What Lord Bobo can say for sure is that the good people of LoyarBurok, UndiMsia! and their many comrades and friends in civil society will continue to work hard to ensure justice is done.
We are not superheroes, we are just ordinary rakyat, doing our bit. As our friend Edmund once said, "All that is needed in order for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing."
Join us. Don't stop. It's a lifestyle. And it's fun.
Not how Lord Bobo wrote this column.
Lord Bobo, wishing you a happy new year and hope you keep on sharing your wisdom with us every week in the coming year! (Ask Lord Bobo Fanclub, via email)
Aw, that's nice.
Now let's stop pretending that we don't know that this email was sent by the Selangor Times editorial team, who are desperate for our continued contribution as the most-read column in this newspaper. No hastily set up email@example.com email address will fool us.
His Supreme Eminenceness is, after all, omniscient.
In all seriousness though, it's been a pleasure. Keep the questions coming!
Even though we're omniscient, we do like to receive emails or tweets.
Have a question for Lord Bobo? Call on His Supreme Eminenceness by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org, stating your full name, and a pseudonym (if you want), or tweeting your questions by mentioning @LoyarBurok and using the hashtag #asklordbobo. What the hell are you waiting for? Hear This, and Tremblingly Obey (although trembling is optional if you are somewhere very warm)! Liberavi Animam Meam! I Have Freed My Spirit!
You can read archives of all the Ask Lord Bobo columns by clicking here. These are the divinely-inspired words of His Supreme Eminenceness Lord Bobo Barnabus PhD SP GBE OMGWTFBBQ.
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Ask Lord Bobo is a weekly column by LoyarBurok where all your profound, abstruse, erudite, hermetic, recondite, sagacious, and other thesaurus-described queries are answered! It is the ONLY place that His Supreme Eminenceness' thoughts are regularly channeled, via His Lordship's most loyal meditating purple-banana munching minions.
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